More active than you think...

About a month ago, I was depressed. Truly, the closest I've ever come to being full-blown depressed. We'd just spent nearly two grand on fixing our primary vehicle. That drained our emergency and Christmas money. Then, Brian's truck breaks down. Do we have any money to fix it? Nope. Do we have the money to take on a monthly payment. Definitely not. So, we haul the truck down to Waco for a mechanic to work on. I got a rejection, one that didn't quite sting, but sure didn't help my confidence. I'd sent my manuscript to an agent, one that I'd had a quasi-hopeful spirit about getting signed with. Well, I also knew said agent didn't send out rejections after December 1st. Come mid-December, I was utterly convinced he was going to reject me. Great thing to look forward in the New Year, right? Then, we learned that my husband wouldn't have a job after January 1st--he was being laid off.

Anyway, during that time, I cried out to God asking Him where he was in all the disappointing and bad things happening in my life. And in that despair, I got this mental image of a large window to a shop. My view is mostly blocked, but I can see this man moving around inside the shop. He's arranging, rearranging, setting up, cleaning, moving... That "man" is God, and the shop is my life.

Only the other night did I realize how much that mental image has helped me. You see, when we talk about God's plans...doesn't it sound "far off," in the future, something to be or to come about at SOME POINT?? Well, to me, the image of God moving and arranging things in my life helped me see God ACTIVELY at work in my life.

No, I haven't had an astounding turnaround in anything in my life. I see potential. I see God rearranging and arranging, although nothing major has come to fruition...YET! Our primary vehicle is broke again. His truck still hasn't been fixed. And my husband is now unemployed. But I have hope in God. There IS HOPE in God!!!

Oh...and I did find out I am on that agent's short list. I haven't been rejected by this agent yet. Apparently, the reviews from the readers came back mid-December. Dare to dream, y'all...


Okay, I promised spy stuff in my blogs. :-D I think I'll start with the poisoned spy, Alexander Litvinenko. Fascinating story. I've printed and stuffed in a binder all the articles I could find on him, including the reporter whose death he was investigating. Oh. Some of you might not know who I'm talking about. Litvinenko was a lieutenant colonel in the KGB and later the FSB, and once responsible for the protection of Boris Berezovsky when he held office. Once he sought asylum in England, he became a vocal critic of the Kremlin and Putin. At the time of Litvinenko's death, he was investigating the murder of a woman who was a former KGB officer and friend of his, Anna Politkovskaya, who was also a vocal critic of Putin and his "regime". In the weeks before Litvinenko died, doctors scrambled to figure out what was wrong with him. Only after his death, did they discover he'd been poisoned with plutonium 210, a rare and highly toxic chemical.

Is Russia responsible for the death of this outspoken critic? Or did someone whose secrets Litvinenko carry feel threatened? Or both? I can't even possibly pretend to know. It's certainly suspicious that traces of polonium 210 were found on two jetliners that made trips between Moscow and London. Of course, a friend who met with Litvinenko the day he was poisoned also was found to be contaminated.

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6 Responses
  1. I love the window image you talk about. Helps me see God working behind the scenes. That helps me, too because sometimes I feel so discouraged.

    Hey, I'm excited about this spy stuff. I've been following the story you blogged about for weeks now. I can't wait to hear more...


  2. Nice image. What a cool visual God gave you. Thanks for sharing it.

    That spy story is awesome book fodder! What a weird thing though. I don't quite understand why they used polonium unless they wanted to make a very strong statement. In no way is that stuff subtle. What amazes me is all the risk involved--for those handling it and anyone they came in contact with. The people behind it have to be somewhat sick and twisted to do that to someone, as well as risk so many other people. They obviously have no respect for life.

  3. You have a great attitude about all this. The short list is a good place to be!

  4. Not to diminish what you're experiencing...but I'd love to be a 'short list' for an agent.

    I love the visual God gave you as well!

  5. As I read your spy blurp, I couldn't help but think, "Man that would make a great mystery." Funny, I never thought that when I was madly reading all the news stories I could find on it.