So, I've been thinking lately that due to childhood abuses, I've pretty much been the type of person who just tucks their head and forges onward in the storm. I feel deeply, but I also bury deeply. As a child, the gift to forget hurts and painful experiences kept me sane and mentally intact. LOL But now...as a mom...a wife...a child of God...want to FEEL.
In the last few months, I've come to embrace my sensitive side. It's a gift. I can easily identify and imagine what others think/feel. Empathetic. Taht's me. But sometimes, the depth of feelings overwhelms me, and I shut down. Get to where I can't take it anymore. So, I again...duck/cover and keep moving.
But that's just it. I'm rushing...rushing through life, trying to get to the next goal. My eldest daughter is seventeen. HOW ON EARTH DID THAT HAPPEN?!?!? I've been there. I remember her elated expression and near-bursting expression when she met Cinderella at DisneyWorld when she was three years old. I remember ... many years of wonderfulness.
Yet, where have the years gone? Did I blink and it got ripped out from under me?
In CRAZY LOVE (still in chapter one), Chan urges us to STOP and THINK! Think about this amazing world around us. About creation. How it worships Him. I love the verse related on page 28:
The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands. Day after day they pour forth speech; night after night they display knowledge. There is no speech or language where their voice is not heard. Their voice goes out into all the earth, their words to the end of the world. ~~Psalm 19:1-4Wow! Incredible. Think about the Creator God. Think about Him sending His Son to die for us. Chan put it in an example that caught me by the throat: imagine your child, or the person you love the most--stretched out on the cross.
Can you imagine that without falling on your knees? Sacrificing a child/person you love. I'd never really allowed myself to go to that dark place of thinking through what God allowed, sending His Son to redeem us.
All I can say is...I need to STOP and THINK more often.