This morning, I woke up with this song on my mind:
Something On My Mind (by Hawk Nelson)
Take the train,
Go separate ways,
And leave it long forgotten.
I'll hang my hat,
and I won't be back.
On my way out,
I'm feeling lame.
Am I to blame?
Or am I just too jaded?
And I won't be back,
what'd ya think of that?
When it feels like life's wastin' away,
I can say: that when
There's something on my mind,
It takes my concentration.
Just wanna lay it on the line,
Avoid all confrontation.
I'm gonna say this one more time
for all my generation,
you'll never, ever pull my lever
not today and not forever (not today and not forever)
Those last two lines are the ones that were repeating over and over in my head when I woke up. As I sat in bed, a whisper against my heart said: Don't let him yank your chain.
I didn't need an explanation. I knew what God was referring to:
I was broadsided this last week. No, no, not by a vehicle...by, as my mother used to call him, Old Slewfoot, the devil. He came at me, plaguing me with lies I didn't expect: you messed up; God isn't happy with you; you done, finito, terminaste. :-( And it stopped me like an old steam locomotive chugging to a stop. I pulled back, mournful and grief-stricken that I might have stepped off the track. I prayed and groaned and moaned (don't believe me? Ask Dineen! or Heather! or Shannon! or Beth!--how embarrassing!!!!).Anyway, I am blessed with amazing friends who were praying hard for me. Those prayers rescued me. I can see now those claims for what they were: LIES. I gave it to God and have pressed on with my writing and the direction God gave me.
And so it is...I pray that my eyes are opened, that the scales are gone, that I can see things once gain with a perspective that is the Lord's.
So, tell me...is the devil yankin' your chain? Telling you that you're a bad mother? A horrible writer? A wash up? As I am fond of saying...KICK HIM TO THE CURB!!! Grip the Truth--You are God's child, completely accepted, totally forgiven, unimaginably loved!!
no need to be embarrassed... we've all been there. (Me more than most!)
Still praying for you!! Love you!
Hey girlie! My twin! LOL! Heather's right, we've all been there and most likely will be again. That's why we have each other. I'm so proud of you! Fight, fight, fight!
Wow, what a great reminder for each one of us to cling to HIM and HIS truth when the lies come at us.
Yes! You are God's precious child!
Awww, Ronie! Part of what I love about you is your courage to be REAL--to be transparent! We are *all* only earthen vessels, "that the excellence of the power may be of God and not of us."
And how awesome that He chooses us to bear His glory!
I don't know why I'm always surprised, but I am, that the evil one always seems to find that chink in my armor. And you're right, when the scales fall from my eyes and I see the attack for what it really is, I always wonder why I didn't see it sooner. Hopefully, those times between the attack and the scales falling off get shorter as we grow more in the Lord.
Hang in there! (and I'm saying that to myself too!)
I do a pretty good job of yanking my own chain. It's the Christian's biggest problem. Why can't we just accept His grace for what it is and MOVE ON! I must just enjoy the abuse, self-inflicted though it may be.